Creative Writing - Lost in Translation – Plight of the Embed

Lost in Translation – Plight of the Embed

Author known only as ‘Airman Skippy Zed’

So I take a call one Friday from a panicked guy up in HQ

‘Can you go somewhere Monday? Our Plan A bod’s just fallen through!

You’ve got everything we need …’ ‘Ok, where’ve I gotta be?’

Of course the last thing Jackman said was ‘and the unit’s all ARMY.’

 

I am an Air Force member — yes a part of the ‘TEAM RAAF’

So while I’m working here with you expect me to make a gaffe.

Maybe that’s optimistic. Unrealistic too?!

But I’m here as your specialist. It’s my job to support you.

 

Yes I speak a different language and my uniform is blue

When we are all in cams that really is still true.

Who on earth is Asod? What’s wrong with my baseball cap?

You know a few of us wear berets instead of that!

 

Guess Air Force focus more on getting planes into the air

Than worry what other services use to cover up their hair.

Yes it’s really Air Force uniform — you can take it up with CAF.

Were roles reversed no RAAF CO’d ban you wearing your slouch hat.

 

I’ve bigger fish to fry, like the detail in your missions

Than talk FOD¹ or the second oldest Air Force’s traditions.

Er okay, so she’s a Lizard, and over there’s a Bear …

Names of footy team supporters? Not much time to care.

 

So a C-S-M’ll fix it — must be a special type of wrench.

And how can a chicken help set up my computer bench?

Green slime? Suddenly I must talk to some primordial goo?

I need L group, you know, LOGISTICS? Right — to you it’s known as ‘Q’.

 

Last time I heard ‘Somme’ was a mudbath in World War One.

Do Army here think the Afghan summer’s as much ‘fun’?!

Cats? They are something, left two big sooks at home myself.

But aren’t the ones here feral? Is that why they need some ‘help’?

 

Thanks I don’t want Solo but I’d kill for a diet Coke

Cept I’ve just made myself a coffee. Sigh. No, don’t share the joke.

Hello, we haven’t met. So what exactly is it you do?

Just use my nickname — and small words. Please God, talk plainly too.

 

Now wait the BFA, I actually know this, ummm …

That’s the thingy that attaches to the barrel of the gun!

But why is it important here — I was issued with live rounds?

Oh man my head hurts, I need to just sit down.

 

Thank God I am an airman — other air force folks get me.

Regardless of our accents Coalition airspace’s dandy!

When I understand what you say I can easily translate

Your requirements into air support so it doesn’t arrive late.

 

Now as for dealing with blue politics — there I know the score

See I’ve a friend in the COD,² plus elsewhere on the CAOC³ floor

I trained with those two TREFies,⁴ that USAF knuck⁵ there too,

Canadian fish-heads,⁶ Aussie trashhaulers,⁷ some JCS⁸ mates who

 

Will call other Whiskey⁹ buds in zoombags,¹⁰ and …

Your eyes have just glazed over. Guess I’m hard to understand.

So I really don’t mind much if you frequently make fun

We’re all part of one military, we are all Australian.

 

Laugh away, it’s clear I’ve no idea what you just said

It’s a team effort and here my failure could mean death(s) instead.

So while our skillsets and service cultures are certainly unique

For someone who’s never worked with Army this trip’s been pretty sweet.

 

I’m glad to go back to Air Force, sadly my time here’s nearly up.

Yet I’ve made some Army friends too. And with any luck

The next RAAFie that you’ll get has a great sense of humour!

They’ve never worked with Army either — or so goes the rumour …

 

Endnotes

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1    Foreign object damage. Every airman’s worst nightmare — typically it’s a small object ingested into an aircraft engine causing catastrophic damage and/or failure at altitude.
2    Combat Operations Division.
3    Combined Air Operations Centre.
4    Tactical Reconnaissance Exploitation Facility, a UK term.
5    Fast jet aircrew, typically pilot, navigator, weapons system officer etc.
6    Maritime patrol specialist, typically aircrew but can include back-enders (surveillance systems experts) also.
7    Transport specialist, typically aircrew but can include loadmaster.
8    Joint Chiefs of Staff, US term.
9    Weapons specialist, US term for graduates of their year-long air weapons school.
10    Flying suit.